Why shouldn't I wait for the other person to make the first move?

Rabbi Landau teaches that people are hungry for connection, “but the problem always is, you wait for someone else to come.” In marriage, you wait for your spouse to apologize. In friendship, you wait for the other person to call.

His answer is the Torah’s version of the law of attraction: “If you really want to attract something, get moving. And then he’s going to come back to you.” The same holds for everything you hope for: abundance, a good life, success, a new beginning. “You have to attract it first.”

This is the meaning of “Ani l’dodi v’dodi li,” I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine. I move first, and then He moves. “If you move, he moves. Stop waiting, start moving.”

Also answered in this teaching

Does taking the first step help with success too, or only relationships?

Rabbi Landau teaches that it applies to both. Whether it is a spouse, a friend, abundance or a new beginning, you have to move first: if you move, he moves.

Going deeper: Rabbi Landau's teaching, level by level

Surface claim

If you want connection or blessing, don't wait; take the first step.

Fear, vulnerability, or tension

In marriage and friendship, each side waits for the other to apologize or call. In A Soul at Peace, Rabbi Landau writes that when everyone stands still and waits, everything freezes.

Underlying need or longing

People are hungry for connection and for a new beginning. Rabbi Landau teaches that this longing is answered by moving, not by waiting.

Deepest human truth

“I am my beloved's, and my beloved is mine.” I move first, and then He moves.