Why should I surround myself with people who challenge me?

Rabbi Landau teaches that “you don't need less friction, you need better friction.” Look at a car. The road resists the tire, and that is exactly why the car moves forward.

Yet most people spend their lives looking for people who think like them. “You marry them, you hire them, you surround yourself with yes people who confirm you. Then you wonder why you stop growing.” His advice to a boss: “Don't hire people who think like you. Hire people who think for you where you can't.”

He points to the Torah's description of a wife as a helper opposite her husband, ezer kenegdo, and to King Solomon: “Barzel b'barzel yachad, v'ish yachad pnei re'eihu,” iron sharpens iron. Success is built by people who sharpen each other.

“Your strength left unchecked eventually becomes your greatest weakness,” he says. “You cannot see your own shadow. You need someone who can.”

Going deeper: Rabbi Landau's teaching, level by level

Surface claim

Friction is what moves you forward, the way the road's resistance moves a car.

Fear, vulnerability, or tension

The heart wants comfort and approval, so people choose spouses, employees, and friends who only confirm them.

What may be behind it

In A Soul at Peace, Rabbi Landau writes that the help in “a helper who stands opposite him” comes precisely from the standing against. A person with only yes-men may feel safe, but he is standing still.

Deepest human truth

You cannot see your own shadow. A strength left unchecked becomes a weakness, so we need people who sharpen us as iron sharpens iron.

More questions from this teaching

• What kind of people should a leader or boss hire?