Are boundaries a form of love for children?

Rabbi Landau teaches yes. “Don’t confuse love with surrender.” A child needs authority, boundaries and direction, “because guidance is also love.”

The child is not the center; the mission is. Selflessness, he explains, means giving even what they don’t want, when it’s exactly what they need.

That kind of giving only works when the parent is not looking to the child to fill a need of his own. Some parents, he notes, need a feeling of validation, respect or a reflection of themselves from their children. But “if your child is here to fill you, you’re not parenting. You’re outsourcing your emptiness.”

Going deeper: Rabbi Landau's teaching, level by level

Surface claim

Boundaries and direction are love, not its opposite.

Deepest human truth

Selfless love gives what the child needs, even when he doesn’t want it.

More questions from this teaching

• What does it mean to parent selflessly?