How can I make my children want to follow my beliefs?

Rabbi Landau answers that nobody wants to join a miserable movement. If everything you believe in makes you look miserable, why would your child want to become like you?

“Your children don’t only hear what you believe, they look at you to see if it’s worth believing.” You can have the greatest cause in the world, but if everyone involved looks exhausted, angry, bitter and complaining, why would anyone want to join? If your beliefs make you alive and your mission gives you energy, people feel it.

“Joy is a part of the campaign,” he says, and that is exactly what King David means by “Ivdu es Hashem b’simcha,” serve Hashem with joy. “A miserable person can obey a ruler, but a king is crowned by people who are happy they chose him.” Your joy tells the world, “I didn’t just obey Him, I chose Him.”

Going deeper: Rabbi Landau's teaching, level by level

Surface claim

Children decide whether a belief is worth having by watching what it does to their parents.

Fear, vulnerability, or tension

If faith makes a parent look exhausted, angry and bitter, the child sees no reason to want that path.

Underlying need or longing

Children are looking for a life that makes you alive. In A Soul at Peace, Rabbi Landau writes that a child “is not checking your arguments. He is checking your face.”

Deepest human truth

A king is crowned by people happy to choose him. Serving Hashem with joy says: I didn’t just obey Him, I chose Him.

More questions from this teaching

• What does it mean to serve Hashem with joy?