How do I become someone people are naturally drawn to?

Rabbi Landau answers with a simple formula: “You want more friends? You want more influence? More people drawn to you? Stop being interesting. Start being interested.”

The reason, he explains, is that “every single person walking this earth is carrying a story, they are desperate for someone to hear. Just hear.” The person who gives them that becomes one of the most important people in their life. It is “the highest currency in every room you will ever walk in.”

So the effort many people put into their conversation skills, stories, jokes, and charm is, in his words, the “wrong investment.” What draws people close is giving them your full attention.

Going deeper: Rabbi Landau's teaching, level by level

Surface claim

People are drawn to the one who is interested in them, not the one trying to be interesting.

Underlying need or longing

Every person carries a story and longs for someone to simply hear it.

Deepest human truth

In A Soul at Peace, Rabbi Landau writes: “Do not try to be interesting. Be interested,” and to step back so the other person “has room to appear.”

More questions from this teaching

• Why is listening more powerful than being interesting?