Have I failed if my business or marriage fell apart?

Rabbi Landau answers that “the only time you fail is if you quit. If you don’t quit, you can’t fail.” A collapse is not a failure; “that’s a chapter.”

People think failure is something that lands on them: the deal collapsed, the business went under, the marriage broke. Rabbi Landau disagrees. “A man loses 10 businesses and starts the 11th. He hasn’t failed, he’s still in the story. A man loses one and quits. That’s failure. Not because he lost, because he stopped.”

Life, he explains, is a book. “Chapter three doesn’t make it a failed book. It only fails when you stop writing.” King Solomon said the same thing long ago: “Ki sheva yipol tzaddik vakam,” a righteous person falls seven times and rises. Seven falls, seven risings, and he is still called righteous. “The failing never defined him, the getting up did.”

So if something in your life has fallen apart, Rabbi Landau’s message is simple: “you haven’t failed, you’re still in the story. The only people who fail are the ones who close the book.”

Going deeper: Rabbi Landau's teaching, level by level

Surface claim

Losing a business, a deal, or a marriage is a chapter, not a failure. The only failure is quitting.

Fear, vulnerability, or tension

After a fall, a person is tempted to see the loss itself as the verdict on his life. In A Soul at Peace, Rabbi Landau writes that the evil inclination's tool is not the fall itself but the despair that comes after it.

Underlying need or longing

What does a person need after a setback?

He needs to know the story is not over. As long as he keeps writing, the book has not failed.

Deepest human truth

The righteous person of King Solomon's verse falls seven times and is still righteous. A person is defined by getting up, not by falling.

More questions from this teaching

• What does “a righteous person falls seven times and rises” mean?