Why do some people keep going back to chaos when life finally gets calm?

Rabbi Landau explains that “some people are addicted to pain. They just run to misery because peace feels like a withdrawal.” A man finally finds a job that fits him, and suddenly he quits. A woman finally finds love and pushes it away. Things start getting calm, and suddenly they light the match again.

Why? “Because chaos feels like home. It's the only language they really understand and trust.” So when life gets quiet, “the mind starts screaming, ‘Something is wrong!’” And they break the blessing before the blessing breaks them.

Shlomo HaMelech says, k'chelev shav al kei'o, k'sil shoneh b'ivalto: “Like a dog returns to his vomit, the fool repeats his folly.” Not because he wants pain, Rabbi Landau says, but “because he doesn't know who he is without it.” And when the soul doesn't feel worthy of peace, “it's always going to find a way back to war.”

“Stop calling it bad luck. You're not cursed, you are conditioned. And the moment you decide you deserve peace, the war ends.”

Going deeper: Rabbi Landau's teaching, level by level

Surface claim

Some people return to chaos because peace feels like withdrawal.

Fear, vulnerability, or tension

When life gets quiet, the mind screams that something is wrong.

What may be behind it

Why would the fool repeat his folly?

Not because he wants pain, Rabbi Landau teaches, but because he doesn't know who he is without it. Chaos has become home.

Deepest human truth

A soul that doesn't feel worthy of peace finds its way back to war. The moment you decide you deserve peace, the war ends.

More questions from this teaching

• What does “Like a dog returns to its vomit, a fool repeats his folly” mean?