Awe That Leads to Love

Opening King Solomon wrote in the Book of Proverbs: “A righteous person who gives way before a wicked one is like a muddied spring and a ruined fountain.” The righteous person who “gives way” is the one who gives in, who folds. He is not a righteous person who sinned. He is a righteous person who grew weak. He did not fall because of a wrongdoing. He fell because of fear. And what harm is there in that? The verse tells us: he becomes like a stirred-up, muddy spring, like a ruined fountain. The good inside him is no longer clear. Young married man, ask yourself: How many times have you held back from saying the truth? Not because you were concerned for Hashem’s honor, but because you were afraid people would not like you? Here is the difficulty. The Bible says of the Torah: “Its ways are ways of pleasantness.” A person wants to have the trait of kindness. He wants to please people and to be “nice.” So why does this very wish sometimes lead to a deep feeling of weakness, of emptiness, of losing yourself? The answer: the “nice” person and the “good” person are two completely different people. The Nice Person: Kindness That Comes from Fear The “nice” person is not bad. Do not make that mistake about him. But he acts from a place of distress. He smiles, but not because his heart is full of love. He smiles because his heart is full of worry. He is worried about being rejected, about conflict, about not being liked. He bends. He gives in. He agrees to things he does not really agree with. He does this not out of greatness, but out of weakness. In the language of Hasidic teaching, this is “lower awe” in its negative sense. It is not awe of Hashem. It is fear of people. King Saul said it openly: “I was afraid of the people, and I listened to their voice.” He did not deny Hashem. He did not rebel. He was simply afraid of them. And what came of it? He lost his kingdom, and he lost himself. This is the danger of flattery that the Talmud warns about. The danger is not that a person means to do wrong. The danger is that, little by little, he loses his ability to stand up for the truth. The spring turns muddy. Evil did not flow into it. Steadiness drained out of it. The Good Person: Kindness That Comes from Strength The “good” person is built differently, from the ground up. His kindness is not giving in. It is a choice. He gives because he has something to give, not because he is afraid to say no. He has an inner backbone. This is not because he is hard. It is because he is built. The right picture for him is a mountain. A mountain threatens no one. It does not shout, and it does not force. It simply exists. Steady. Unshakable. Whoever sees it knows: here is something I can lean on. This is the trait of strength. It is not cruelty. It is an inner steadiness that comes from clear values and from truth. Only on a foundation of strength like this can kindness grow and be real. Love and Awe: Two Companions Who Never Part The holy Zohar, the classic book of Jewish mysticism, says: “Love and awe are two companions who never part.” The Tanya, the classic book of Hasidic thought, explains that awe is the root that keeps love alive. Without awe, love cannot last. It depends on circumstances. It sways with every passing wind of reluctance. Likkutei Torah, a book of Hasidic teachings, explains that the trait of love without the trait of strength, without limits and without the ability to stand firm, has no vessel to live in. It is like water with no container. It spills out and cannot last. Here is the deep paradox. A person who wants only to be loved, with no foundation of respect and awe, will not be loved. People may find him pleasant. They may bend him. They may take advantage of his softness. But they will not respect him, and they will not lean on him. And where there is no respect, love also wastes away. In contrast, there is the person who has built himself on a foundation of truth and of awe before what is lofty. This is “higher awe”: respect for the divine truth inside him. He is the person from whom you can receive true kindness. He does not give out of weakness. He gives by choice.