Better a Simple Meal, with Love
“Better a meal of vegetables where there is love than a fattened ox where there is hatred.” A Simple Verse King Solomon said: “Better a meal of vegetables where there is love than a fattened ox where there is hatred.” It is a simple verse. But anyone who has ever lived through it even once knows that nothing simple weighs more than this. There is a husband who cannot bring plenty and wealth into his home. The table is sparse. Making a living is a constant strain. He goes out in the morning and comes back in the evening with the same worry. At a time like that, what does King Solomon ask of him? Not that he succeed in earning a living. Not that he become clever in business. Only this: “where there is love.” Right there, at that plain meal of vegetables, there should be love. The Parable A husband who cannot give financial security must give emotional security, and twice as much. He cannot fail at both. To give no money and also no presence destroys a home. The verse teaches something more. A rich husband sometimes buys his way out of being there. He gives plenty, and in place of himself he gives distance. “A fattened ox where there is hatred”: a full table and an empty heart. But a husband who has no fattened ox has no choice except to be there. He cannot buy his way out. His money troubles force him to be present. And from being present, love is born. In other words, being poor on the outside can be a call to deeper inner work. Its Lesson My dear friend, this parable has a lesson that touches each one of us. Hashem is the giver, and the Jewish people, each one of us, is the receiver. Sometimes we have a “fattened ox,” a rich flow of spiritual gifts. Prayer burns. Torah study shines with light. We feel stirred and moved. Moments of light fill the heart. But there are other days. Days when prayer is dry. The page you are studying says nothing to you. The heart is closed like a stone. Rabbi Schneur Zalman of Liadi, author of the Tanya, the classic book of Hasidic thought, calls this a “small” state of mind. It is a heart that does not feel, and a soul that thinks it has drifted far away. At a moment like that, the evil inclination, the inner voice that pulls us toward wrong, comes with its own explanation: “Look what has happened to you. You are dry. You are far away. Hashem is not accepting the way you serve Him.” Right Here But King Solomon teaches us something different. When there is no “fattened ox” of moments of light and felt vitality, that is no proof that you are far away. It is a call. Hashem is calling to the soul: “where there is love.” Now, exactly now, at this plain meal of dryness and poverty, discover the love that does not depend on anything. There are two kinds of love. One kind comes from what is revealed. It is love when the heart is on fire and the flow from above is pouring in. The other kind comes from the very core. It is love with no outside reason. It is the true foundation of the bond. This is the love we discover exactly in a time of “a meal of vegetables.” Rabbi Schneur Zalman teaches in the Tanya that in a “small” time we must not give in to despair. Instead we should look for the simple bond: accepting Hashem as our King, simple faith, and a love from our very core that needs no moments of light. This is an everlasting love. It came before everything else, and it does not depend on how much we have at the moment.
Putting It into Practice
Are you living today on “a meal of vegetables”? It may be in earning a living, in serving Hashem, in prayer, or in Torah study. Do not chase after the “fattened ox” that has disappeared. Ask yourself: What can I give right now, from what I have? If you do not feel vitality, give presence. If you are not moved, give simple intention. If you do not have great joy, give quiet faith. These are your inner face. You cannot buy them, and you cannot sell them. “Where there is love.” There, inside what is small and limited, lies what is most precious.
Questions and answers
Q: What does the verse “Better a meal of vegetables where there is love than a fattened ox where there is hatred” mean?
Rabbi Landau answers: “Better a meal of vegetables where there is love than a fattened ox where there is hatred.”
Q: How does the verse about a meal of vegetables with love apply to a husband who cannot provide wealth for his home?
Rabbi Landau answers: King Solomon said: “Better a meal of vegetables where there is love than a fattened ox where there is hatred.” It is a simple verse. But anyone who has ever lived through it even once knows that nothing simple weighs more than this. There is a husband who cannot bring plenty and wealth into his home. The table is sparse. Making a living is a constant strain. He goes out in the morning and comes back in the evening with the same worry. At a time like that, what does King Solomon ask of him? Not that he succeed in earning a living. Not that he become clever in business. Only this: “where there is love.” Right there, at that plain meal of vegetables, there should be love.
Q: What does the “meal of vegetables” teach about times when our prayer and Torah study feel dry?
Rabbi Landau answers: My dear friend, this parable has a lesson that touches each one of us. Hashem is the giver, and the Jewish people, each one of us, is the receiver. Sometimes we have a “fattened ox,” a rich flow of spiritual gifts. Prayer burns. Torah study shines with light. We feel stirred and moved. Moments of light fill the heart. But there are other days. Days when prayer is dry. The page you are studying says nothing to you. The heart is closed like a stone. Rabbi Schneur Zalman of Liadi, author of the Tanya, the classic book of Hasidic thought, calls this a “small” state of mind. It is a heart that does not feel, and a soul that thinks it has drifted far away.
Q: Is spiritual dryness a sign that you are far from Hashem?
Rabbi Landau answers: But King Solomon teaches us something different. When there is no “fattened ox” of moments of light and felt vitality, that is no proof that you are far away. It is a call. Hashem is calling to the soul: “where there is love.” Now, exactly now, at this plain meal of dryness and poverty, discover the love that does not depend on anything. There are two kinds of love. One kind comes from what is revealed. It is love when the heart is on fire and the flow from above is pouring in. The other kind comes from the very core. It is love with no outside reason. It is the true foundation of the bond.
Q: What can you give when you are living on “a meal of vegetables” in prayer, livelihood or Torah study?
Rabbi Landau answers: Are you living today on “a meal of vegetables”? It may be in earning a living, in serving Hashem, in prayer, or in Torah study. Do not chase after the “fattened ox” that has disappeared. Ask yourself: What can I give right now, from what I have? If you do not feel vitality, give presence. If you are not moved, give simple intention. If you do not have great joy, give quiet faith. These are your inner face. You cannot buy them, and you cannot sell them. “Where there is love.” There, inside what is small and limited, lies what is most precious.