Calm Inside: The First Reward

“Whoever holds back grain, the people will curse him; but blessing comes upon the head of the one who sells it.” A Question from the Heart A young married man once asked me a question. He is a dear, longtime friend. His voice was quiet and tired. “I run so hard. I worry so much. So why does my livelihood keep slipping further away?” He was not asking because he lacked faith. He was asking from real pain. And his question is the question of many people. Try to notice something simple. Often the person who struggles is the one who works hardest, has the most talent, and is the most honest. It is not because he is lazy. It is not because he lacks ability. It is because of one thing: panic. The constant worry. The inner self crying out inside him. And this is exactly what we need to understand. What Worry Really Is: A Narrow Mind Worry is not just an unpleasant feeling. It is a state of being. It is a state of a small, narrow mind. Your thinking shrinks. Your awareness grows blurry. You can no longer think calmly and clearly. The mind screams from within. It fills all the space inside you with the sound of lack and fear. In that state there is no room for clear thinking or for careful action. There is also no room for blessing to come. Some people will say, “On the contrary, worry pushes me to act!” But the truth is the opposite. Worry does make you run. But running out of panic is running in circles. An inner self that cries out does not build anything. It only chases. And a desperate chase after money is sometimes the very thing that drives the money away. The Verse: Holding Back the Grain King Solomon wrote: “Whoever holds back grain, the people will curse him; but blessing comes upon the head of the one who sells it.” The plain meaning of the verse is this: if someone holds back grain when people need it, the people will curse him. But there is a deeper reading here too, and this is the heart of this essay. In many places, the grain hints at clarity, at a bright mind, at clear thinking. The Hebrew word for grain used in this verse also means, in Aramaic, pure, clean and clear. So “the one who holds back grain” is the person who locks his inner clarity up inside himself. Through worry, anxiety and chasing, he holds back his own wide and open mind. And the result? “The people will curse him.” The forces of his own inner self, the “people” within him, curse him and weaken him. He has become the obstacle in his own way. Compare him to the other person in the verse: “Blessing comes upon the head of the one who sells it.” The word for “the one who sells grain” comes from the word for “breaking.” He is the one who breaks the inner force that holds him back. He does not hold back or shrink. He opens up, lets go, and allows the flow of good to stream through. And the blessing rests on him. Calm Inside: Your First Capital Here is the new idea. Calm inside is not a prize you get after you succeed. It is not a luxury for after “the money comes.” It is your first capital. It is the first reward, the payment in advance that Hashem gives a person. Without it, no outside effort will succeed. This rests on a clear verse: “Hashem’s blessing is what makes a person rich, and He adds no sadness along with it.” Blessing and sadness cannot live together. Blessing does not come to a place that is covered over with sadness, worry and stress. So the inner work is clear. Before you chase results out in the world, the first step is to reach calm inside. This is not only a way to get ready. Calm is a vessel in its own right, real capital. A person whose mind is quiet thinks clearly and acts with care. He draws in opportunities that a panicked person will never see. Calm inside is like “a spring that keeps growing stronger.” It is quiet, deep inner work that sets great things in motion in the world of action. And at its root is simple trust in Hashem: trust that Hashem “feeds and provides for all,” and that He will bring a person everything he needs.