Giving Like a King

“And royal wine in abundance, as befits the hand of the king.” Opening There is a young married man you know. He gives. He works. He pays the bills. He leaves in the morning and comes home at night, and he doesn’t complain. But something in him is closed. You can feel it. The giving is there, but the light has gone out. What happened to him? This is not a question for psychology. It is a question of truth. And the answer is found in the very heart of the inner work of the Jewish New Year. Stinginess Is Not a Trait. It Is a Reaction. Let’s say something clearly: no one is born stingy. There is no such thing. Stinginess is not part of a person’s nature. It is a state. It is a reaction. Think of the “stingiest” person you know. Make him feel that people are looking for him and that he is wanted. Make him feel that his gift is longed for, not simply expected. He can become the most generous of the generous. Here is what really happens. The husband keeps paying. The father keeps providing. But when he feels that he is not wanted, that people want his wallet and not him, something inside him shuts. His giving becomes technical. Measured. On the outside only. It comes from necessity, not from joy. And it comes not from a stingy soul, but from a hurting heart. This is the point. What changes is not how much he gives. What changes is what he gives. He gives from what he has, not from who he is. The Ruler and the King: Two Kinds of Giving To understand how deep this goes, we need to ask: What is the difference between a ruler who governs by force and a king whom the people have accepted willingly? Both of them give. Both of them hand out, feed and provide. But how do they give? The ruler gives out of necessity. He has no choice. Even if this giving is large in amount, it is narrow and measured. It is giving that calculates exactly how much is needed, not how much it is possible to give. The king is different. The people crowned him. They wanted him. They declared, “We want you as our king.” That king gives in another way. He gives generously. He gives with joy. His giving expresses the bond between him and his people. It is not the payment of a debt. The Bible shows us this. At the feast of the Persian king Ahasuerus, it says: “And the drinking was according to the rule; no one was forced, for so the king had instructed… to do as each man wished.” One hundred and eighty days of feasting. He did this not because he had to, but because he wanted to show what it means to be a king. “As befits the hand of the king” is not just a matter of quantity. It is a matter of quality. It is a kind of giving that flows from a full sense of kingship, from a king who knows he is wanted. “Say Kingship Verses Before Me, So That You Make Me King over You” Now we come to the main point. The Talmud teaches that Hashem says: “Say before Me verses of Kingship, so that you make Me King over you.” Hashem says, “Say before Me verses of Kingship.” What does this mean? Does He need us to crown Him? The idea is deep. Hashem does not want to give to us like a ruler who gives out of necessity. He wants to give like a king: generously, with joy, without measure and without limits. But this kind of giving opens only when the one receiving shows that he wants the giver. Not only the gift. The giver himself. This is what the blowing of the ram’s horn and accepting Hashem as our King on the New Year accomplish. We show Hashem that we want Him as our King. Not out of fear, but out of desire. And at that very moment, the channels of blessing open for a whole year. Not the blessing of a ruler, but blessing “as befits the hand of the king.” The Key: At Home and in Prayer Now go back to the young married man we started with. The key to opening his heart is not to ask him to give more. The key is to show him that he is wanted. To show him that his gift is the desire of our heart, not something simply expected of him. When his wife and children show him that they want him, not only for providing what they need, but him himself, something inside will open. And he will give not out of duty, but out of kingship. It is the same above. The inner work of the New Year, the prayer, the ram’s horn, the verses of Kingship, is not a demand that Hashem give to us. It is a declaration that we want Him. And through this, we open the source of His own giving, which is giving “as befits the hand of the king.”