Like Arrows in the Hand of a Warrior

“Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth.” Why an Arrow? “Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth.” King David chose the arrow as his picture of a child. At first this needs explaining. Why compare a son to an arrow, a lifeless object? A child is not an arrow. He has a soul. He has free choice. He has a whole world inside him. And if King David wanted to teach us that the father is the warrior, the one who sends the child out and guides him, we already knew that. We know a father’s job is to influence his child. So what does this picture teach us that no other parable could? The truth is that the parable of the arrow holds something new. It turns our usual way of thinking completely upside down. How a Bow Works Any child who has ever shot a bow knows this. An arrow’s power does not come from pushing. Nobody pushes the arrow forward from the front. All of its power, every bit of it, comes from pulling it back. The closer you draw the arrow to your body, to your heart, to the place deep inside the archer, the tighter the bowstring grows. And the tighter it grows, the greater the force that sends the arrow far away. “Like arrows in the hand of a warrior”: the warrior does not throw. The warrior draws close. This is exactly the lesson for raising children. You, a young married man: if you want your child to go far, your first job is not to push him forward. Your first job is to draw him to you. To bring him close. To hug him. To build the bond between you. From that bond, and only from that bond, will come the strength to take off and fly. What looks like “backward” is the true “forward.” “In the Hand of a Warrior” Look carefully at the words of the verse. It does not say “in the hand of a strong man.” It does not say “in the hand of a man of great power.” It says a warrior, a mighty one. Our Sages teach: “Who is mighty? The one who conquers his inclination,” meaning the inner voice that pulls a person toward wrong. Real might does not mean breaking through limits out in the world. It means self-control on the inside. The mighty person is not the one who uses great force on what is outside him. He is the one who can conquer himself, hold back and stay focused. He gathers all his strength into one point, patiently, without letting go too soon. This is the strength that raising children takes. Do not panic while your child is still “close to you,” while he still “isn’t flying.” Real strength is trusting the process of closeness itself. It is knowing that drawing him inward is the very thing that builds the power for him to fly outward. The archer’s holding back is what launches the arrow. The Left Hand Pushes, the Right Hand Draws Close Our Sages give a rule: “Let the left hand push away and the right hand draw close.” Sometimes it seems these are two opposite forces, one that pushes away and one that draws close. But according to what we have explained, the new idea goes further. The right hand that draws close is itself the force that sends the child out. It is a deep and true push, one that comes from connection and not from cutting off. It is not a separate step. It is not “first we bring him close, and then we launch him.” The closeness itself is the launch. The bond itself is the power. This is what the Bible means when it says: “Draw me after you, and we will run.” The running does not begin before the drawing close. Being drawn close is what makes the running possible. You cannot run unless you are first drawn close. Closeness must come first. Closing Thoughts Some young married men live with constant pressure inside: “I have to push my children forward.” Toward success. Toward Torah. Toward Hasidic teaching. Sometimes that pressure brings the opposite result: a push that drives the child away. The way of the bow says: Stop. Draw him close. Build the bond. Sit with him. Study with him. Be present. And know that this closeness is what truly launches him. From it he will fly to distances you could never push him to. “Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth.” The warrior knows: it is not the throwing, it is the drawing close.