Rest That Comes from Love
A Question A young man who had started keeping the Sabbath not long ago once told me: “They promised me rest. But when Friday night comes, my stomach is churning. There’s tension, expectation, restlessness. Is something wrong with me?” His question is simple and sharp. The Sabbath is called a “day of rest.” In our prayers we declare that it is “a rest of love, freely given.” So what is this nervous excitement, these “butterflies in the stomach,” that so often come to someone who has just begun to keep the Sabbath? The Foundation: The Sabbath Is a Bond, Not Only a Break Before we answer, we need to understand what the Sabbath really is. The Torah does not describe the Sabbath only as a day when we stop working. It says something deeper. Hashem says: “Between Me and the children of Israel it is a sign forever.” A sign is a mark, a bond. It is like the ring a groom gives his bride. The ring is not just an object. It expresses a relationship. That is why the Zohar, the great book of Jewish mysticism, calls the Sabbath “the Sabbath Queen,” the queen, the bride. And the hymn we sing as we welcome the Sabbath, known as “Come, My Beloved,” opens with a call: “Come, my beloved, to greet the bride.” It is the call of a groom going out to meet his bride. The Sabbath is a weekly meeting, close and personal, between the Jewish people and Hashem. And since we are talking about a bond, we have to ask: what does a bond look like at its start? The Parable: How a Bond Grows Everyone knows this from life. A new relationship does not begin calmly. It begins with fire. The heart pounds. There is expectation and an excitement that makes it hard to breathe. This is how the Song of Songs describes love at its start: “Its sparks are sparks of fire, a great flame.” Sparks of fire. Only later, once the relationship settles, once the love deepens and puts down roots, does rest arrive. It is not an empty rest. It is a rest of security. It is rest that comes out of the love, not before it. The Lesson: Running Before Returning In serving Hashem this is called “running and returning.” The “running” is the soul’s rush upward: the longing, the burning excitement. The “returning” is the settling down, the calm, the mature closeness to Hashem. Both are needed. But the running must come before the returning. Likkutei Torah, a classic book of Hasidic teachings, says it in the words of the Torah: “A fire shall burn on the altar always. It shall not go out.” The fire must always be burning. Excitement is not a stage you leave behind. It is a basic part of the inner work. So the young man who feels tension on Friday night is not missing rest. He is in the stage of “running.” His soul is excited before its meeting with the Sabbath Queen. This does not get in the way of serving Hashem. This is serving Hashem. A Rest Made of Love Now let us go back to the words of the prayer: “a rest of love, freely given.” Look closely at the wording. It does not say “rest and love,” as if they were two separate gifts. It says “a rest of love.” It is a rest whose whole nature is love, a rest that flows out of the love itself. In other words, first comes love, and then rest. First the running, and then the returning. This is the right order. A person who expects rest before the love has been built is looking for the second stage before the first.
Putting It into Practice
If you are at the beginning of your path in keeping the Sabbath, and Friday night comes with excitement and restlessness, do not take it as a sign of failure. Take it as a sign of life. Your heart feels that something big is happening, and it is right. A new bond is being woven. “Between Me and the children of Israel”: the ring has been given. The love is burning. The rest will come. It will come as the bond grows deeper. But for now, let the fire burn.
Questions and answers
Q: Is something wrong with me if Friday night makes me tense instead of restful?
Rabbi Landau answers: A young man who had started keeping the Sabbath not long ago once told me: “They promised me rest. But when Friday night comes, my stomach is churning. There’s tension, expectation, restlessness. Is something wrong with me?” His question is simple and sharp. The Sabbath is called a “day of rest.” In our prayers we declare that it is “a rest of love, freely given.” So what is this nervous excitement, these “butterflies in the stomach,” that so often come to someone who has just begun to keep the Sabbath?
Q: Why is the Sabbath a bond between Hashem and Israel and not only a break from work?
Rabbi Landau answers: Before we answer, we need to understand what the Sabbath really is. The Torah does not describe the Sabbath only as a day when we stop working. It says something deeper. Hashem says: “Between Me and the children of Israel it is a sign forever.” A sign is a mark, a bond. It is like the ring a groom gives his bride. The ring is not just an object. It expresses a relationship. That is why the Zohar, the great book of Jewish mysticism, calls the Sabbath “the Sabbath Queen,” the queen, the bride.
Q: What is “running and returning,” and why does running come first?
Rabbi Landau answers: In serving Hashem this is called “running and returning.” The “running” is the soul’s rush upward: the longing, the burning excitement. The “returning” is the settling down, the calm, the mature closeness to Hashem. Both are needed. But the running must come before the returning. Likkutei Torah, a classic book of Hasidic teachings, says it in the words of the Torah: “A fire shall burn on the altar always. It shall not go out.” The fire must always be burning. Excitement is not a stage you leave behind. It is a basic part of the inner work. So the young man who feels tension on Friday night is not missing rest.
Q: What does the prayer phrase “a rest of love, freely given” mean?
Rabbi Landau answers: Now let us go back to the words of the prayer: “a rest of love, freely given.” Look closely at the wording. It does not say “rest and love,” as if they were two separate gifts. It says “a rest of love.” It is a rest whose whole nature is love, a rest that flows out of the love itself. In other words, first comes love, and then rest. First the running, and then the returning. This is the right order. A person who expects rest before the love has been built is looking for the second stage before the first.
Q: How should someone new to keeping the Sabbath understand the restlessness of Friday night?
Rabbi Landau answers: If you are at the beginning of your path in keeping the Sabbath, and Friday night comes with excitement and restlessness, do not take it as a sign of failure. Take it as a sign of life. Your heart feels that something big is happening, and it is right. A new bond is being woven. “Between Me and the children of Israel”: the ring has been given. The love is burning. The rest will come. It will come as the bond grows deeper. But for now, let the fire burn.