The “I” Within Us
“I stand between Hashem and you…” Opening Young man, just one question. How many times have you already decided that this time it will end? That this time the anger won’t come back? That you won’t give in to the sadness? That the arrogance will finally break? You came at it with all your strength. You worked. You fought. You felt it deeply. And after a few days you were back in the same pit. You saw the same face you know from the mirror. This is not a failure caused by laziness. It is a deeper question. Finding the Root Rabbi Schneur Zalman of Liadi, author of the Tanya, the classic book of Hasidic thought, writes that every bad character trait comes from one source. That source is the feeling of being a “something”: the sense that there is a separate self here, a reality of its own. In short, the ego. Arrogance comes because the “I” feels big. Anger comes because the “I” feels hurt. Sadness comes because the “I” feels like a failure. All three are branches of the same root. As long as the root is there, the branches will come back. Cut off one branch, and two grow in its place. So we run for twenty years, one war after another. In the end we find ourselves tired, and the same “I” is still in our hands. What Is This “I”? Here comes the surprising part. Ask yourself: what is this “I” that we are fighting? Where does it live? Can you point to it? Can you hold it? Can you describe it? You can’t. At its simplest level, it is nothing more than a collection of thoughts, memories and stories that we tell ourselves every moment. It is like a character in a dream. While you are dreaming, it is alive and real. When you wake up, you ask: where is it now? Rabbi Schneur Zalman, whose words have never let us down, writes in “The Gate of Unity and Faith,” the second part of the Tanya, that the only true reality is Hashem alone. The prophet Isaiah says: “The whole earth is full of His glory.” This is not a parable or a poet’s exaggeration. It means exactly what it says. As the Zohar’s teachings put it: “There is no place empty of Him.” And if all of reality is Hashem, then what is the truth of the separate, outward “I”? It is exactly what it seems to be: imagination. Wind. The shadow of a story. The New Idea: Don’t Win, Wake Up Now we understand why we are so tired. You cannot defeat an enemy that has no body. Every battle against it strengthens the belief that it exists. The more you fight your “I,” the more life you give it. The fight itself proves that you believe something real is there to fight. The path that Hasidic teaching shows is not only subduing the dark side by force. It is not a victory on the battlefield. It is quiet, stubborn reflection, until the illusion fades away by itself. You don’t kill the monster in the dream. You wake up and discover that it never existed. An Example A teaching is told in the name of the great Maggid of Mezritch, the Baal Shem Tov’s successor. He explained the verse “I am Hashem, your Lord” this way. The only “I” that truly exists is Hashem. Every other “I,” every feeling of a separate self, is the screen. It is the covering. This “I” is what stands between a person and Hashem. Nothing else stands there. Only the ego.
Putting It into Practice
The next time a painful feeling rises in you, like anger, jealousy or heavy sadness, don’t start a campaign against yourself right away. Stop. Ask one question: who is feeling this? Not what you are feeling. Who. Look at the “I” that is feeling. See it from the outside, like someone watching a passing wind, not like someone swept away by it. Don’t try to solve it, fix it or push it away. Just look at it. The moment you look, it begins to lose its grip. Then the shadow finally leaves, and some space is left behind. Hasidic teaching calls that space freedom. Setting the self aside. The Infinite Light, which has no limit and no end, and which was always, always here.
Questions and answers
Q: Why do my decisions to stop being angry, sad or arrogant keep failing?
Rabbi Landau answers: Young man, just one question. How many times have you already decided that this time it will end? That this time the anger won’t come back? That you won’t give in to the sadness? That the arrogance will finally break? You came at it with all your strength. You worked. You fought. You felt it deeply. And after a few days you were back in the same pit. You saw the same face you know from the mirror. This is not a failure caused by laziness. It is a deeper question.
Q: According to the Tanya, what is the one root of all bad character traits?
Rabbi Landau answers: Rabbi Schneur Zalman of Liadi, author of the Tanya, the classic book of Hasidic thought, writes that every bad character trait comes from one source. That source is the feeling of being a “something”: the sense that there is a separate self here, a reality of its own. In short, the ego. Arrogance comes because the “I” feels big. Anger comes because the “I” feels hurt. Sadness comes because the “I” feels like a failure. All three are branches of the same root. As long as the root is there, the branches will come back. Cut off one branch, and two grow in its place. So we run for twenty years, one war after another.
Q: Why does fighting your own "I" only make it stronger?
Rabbi Landau answers: Now we understand why we are so tired. You cannot defeat an enemy that has no body. Every battle against it strengthens the belief that it exists. The more you fight your “I,” the more life you give it. The fight itself proves that you believe something real is there to fight. The path that Hasidic teaching shows is not only subduing the dark side by force. It is not a victory on the battlefield. It is quiet, stubborn reflection, until the illusion fades away by itself. You don’t kill the monster in the dream. You wake up and discover that it never existed.
Q: How did the Maggid of Mezritch explain "I am Hashem, your Lord" in relation to our sense of self?
Rabbi Landau answers: A teaching is told in the name of the great Maggid of Mezritch, the Baal Shem Tov’s successor. He explained the verse “I am Hashem, your Lord” this way. The only “I” that truly exists is Hashem. Every other “I,” every feeling of a separate self, is the screen. It is the covering. This “I” is what stands between a person and Hashem. Nothing else stands there. Only the ego.
Q: What should I do the next time anger, jealousy or sadness rises in me?
Rabbi Landau answers: The next time a painful feeling rises in you, like anger, jealousy or heavy sadness, don’t start a campaign against yourself right away. Stop. Ask one question: who is feeling this? Not what you are feeling. Who. Look at the “I” that is feeling. See it from the outside, like someone watching a passing wind, not like someone swept away by it. Don’t try to solve it, fix it or push it away. Just look at it. The moment you look, it begins to lose its grip. Then the shadow finally leaves, and some space is left behind. Hasidic teaching calls that space freedom. Setting the self aside. The Infinite Light, which has no limit and no end, and which was always, always here.