Your Own Share in the Torah

Opening A young married man sits at the end of the day and goes over his day. He did not manage to study as much as he should have. He prayed in a rush. He answered his child without patience. Several commandments went by without any real intention behind them. And many days have already gone by like this. The feeling is familiar: so many details, so many expectations, and a sense of guilt that weighs heavily. “How can I ever find my way through all of this?” This is not weakness. It is a real question. The Foundation: Each Under His Own Banner The Torah says: “Each man by his own banner, with the signs of his father’s house.” Every tribe had its own banner. Every one had its own sign. This was not by chance. It is a holy picture of a basic truth. Every single soul came down into the world with a mission that is specific and exact, a mission that no other soul has. Our Sages teach: “Therefore, every single person must say: The world was created for my sake.” This does not come from arrogance. It comes from knowing. You have a place in the book of creation that no one else fills. Hashem, so to speak, needs you. He needs your own specific mission, and not only the keeping of the Torah in general. What Is “Your Share in the Torah”? The deep explanation of this is found in the words of Rabbi Schneur Zalman of Liadi, author of the Tanya, in the letters printed in his book. There he explains that each person has a private “gate.” His serving Hashem rises up through that gate, and through it Hashem reveals Himself to him. This does not mean, Heaven forbid, that he has a “different Torah.” There is one Torah for all the Jewish people. It means that he has a unique angle: a particular letter, a particular commandment that is the root of his soul. The Talmud teaches: “A person should always study Torah in the area his heart desires.” That is because there, in the place “his heart desires,” is his true point of connection. That is his “place” in the Torah. And through that place, Hashem’s revealing Himself to him is personal, and nothing can make it smaller. So your prayer is not just one more prayer. Your Torah study is not just one more class. When you do a commandment from within your own “share,” you fill a place that no one else in the world fills, in any generation and at any time. The Answer to the Confusion: Come Back to Yourself Now we can go back to the question. Why do we feel lost? Because we try to be everything. We look at the long list of what is missing, and we forget to ask: What is my share? When you find your own personal mission, everything gets clearer. The details do not disappear, but they fall into place. There is a headline. There is a center. And around that center, all the rest of the inner work finds its right and calm place. In one of his holy talks, a great Hasidic master taught that the words “Go forth,” which Hashem said to Abraham, also mean “Go to yourself,” to the root of your soul. Any serving Hashem that starts from this point is not heavy labor. It is a discovery. It is not a chore. It is joy. A Note: This Does Not Mean Giving Up the Rest An important note is needed here. This does not mean that a person should say: “My share is this one thing, so nothing else has anything to do with me.” Heaven forbid. The whole Torah belongs to every Jew. The opposite is true. When the inner center point shines, it sends its light out to all the circles around it. When that inner point is alive and burning, it gives vitality to all the rest of the inner work. It works the other way too. When the center is missing, everything feels like a burden. When it is found, everything feels lighter, and even the daily routine feels purposeful. A great Hasidic master wrote in Hayom Yom, a book of daily Hasidic teachings, that there are many details, but one must hold on to the main thing. Each person’s main thing is his own personal root in serving Hashem. Everything flows from there. Closing: You Are Needed Think of a Torah scroll. Every Torah scroll is written letter by letter. If even one letter is missing, the whole scroll is not valid. You are your own letter. No two letters are the same. If you sit and wait for someone else to fill your place, he will not be able to. Because it is your place. Hashem needs you. Not in some general way. He needs exactly you, with this mission, at this time, in this place.