Can joking negatively about myself really affect who I become?

Rabbi Landau teaches that “your mouth is building the person you are about to become.” So stop talking negatively about yourself, even as a joke.

You think it's harmless. You're being sarcastic, laughing while you say “I'm such an idiot,” “I always mess this up,” “I'm such a disaster.” But your subconscious doesn't know the difference. Every time you say it, it gets written down inside you, and you become convinced there's truth to it. “And then it goes to work building you to match.”

Say “I'm always late” enough times, half joking, he says, “and watch yourself start showing up late like you're keeping a promise.” The words don't describe your life. “They're assigning it.”

King Solomon said, “Maves vechaim beyad lashon,” death and life are in the power of the tongue. You are what you say you are. “Say it as a joke long enough, and your life stops laughing.”

Also answered in this teaching

How should I talk about myself if I want to change?

In A Soul at Peace, Rabbi Landau suggests paying attention to the jokes you make about yourself and starting to speak differently, without arrogance and without pretending the problem isn't there: “I am someone who arrives on time.” “I can do this.”

Going deeper: Rabbi Landau's teaching, level by level

Surface claim

What you say about yourself shapes who you become.

Fear, vulnerability, or tension

In A Soul at Peace, Rabbi Landau writes that the inner forces of the soul don't hear the laughter. They hear only the words, and take them as an order.

What may be behind it

A person can truly want to change and still feel stuck, he writes, because his mouth keeps ordering up the old self.

Deepest human truth

The words you repeat become the person you become.

More questions from this teaching

• What does “death and life are in the power of the tongue” mean?