How can I tell if I've made peace with my life or just given up?

Rabbi Landau teaches that the real question is this: “Did you make peace with your life, or did you just stop asking it for anything?” From the outside, the two can look the same.

His test is honesty about what you want. Ask a person who says “I don't care about money” or “I'm fine single” what he really wants, and “the honest answer isn't nothing, it's ‘I stopped letting myself know.’” That is not peace. It is a heart that said no to itself so many times that the wanting went quiet.

Shlomo HaMelech describes the cause: “Tochelet memushachah machalah lev,” hope that keeps getting pushed off makes the heart sick. And because “you can't numb one desire, you numb them all,” giving up in one area quietly dims the rest of life too.

Going deeper: Rabbi Landau's teaching, level by level

Surface claim

Giving up can masquerade as being at peace.

Fear, vulnerability, or tension

Prolonged hope hurts, so the heart stops letting itself know what it wants.

Deepest human truth

Peace still knows what it longs for; giving up has stopped asking life for anything.

More questions from this teaching

• What does it mean when I tell myself I don't want something anymore?