Why do we misjudge other people's struggles?

Rabbi Landau teaches, “Never ever judge someone's struggles by your strengths.” When you are naturally good at something, it stops feeling like a strength. It feels like a default mode. And because it costs you nothing, you assume it costs them nothing.

That's where the damage starts. It comes out as “just get over it,” “it's not a big deal,” “it's so simple.” But it's only simple because you're strong there. You can't even see your own strength, and the person in front of you doesn't have it.

The Mishnah says, “Al tadin es chavercha ad shetagia limkomo,” do not judge your friend until you reach his place. That means until you stand in the exact spot he is standing in, “with his feelings, with his way of thinking.” Because “whatever is effortless for you is the exact thing breaking him.”

Also answered in this teaching

What does it mean to “reach his place”?

Rabbi Landau explains that it means standing in the exact spot the other person stands in, with his feelings and his way of thinking.

Going deeper: Rabbi Landau's teaching, level by level

Surface claim

Don't judge someone's struggles by your strengths.

What may be behind it

In A Soul at Peace, Rabbi Landau writes that most judging does not come from a bad heart or arrogance. It comes from a strength so natural that it no longer feels like a strength, so we cannot imagine our friend is missing it.

Deepest human truth

Empathy begins when we stop measuring everyone by our own strengths, because what is effortless for you may be exactly what is breaking him.