Why do some people always need to win every argument?

Rabbi Landau explains that some people feel the only way up is to push someone else down. “They had to win every argument because they took their whole self-esteem from making other people smaller.”

Deep down, he says, “they were just starving for some status.” All they ever wanted was to feel valued and important. That doesn’t make them bad people: “The cruelty was never their character, it was their hunger.”

That is why, once such a person finally feels secure, the fighting often stops. He no longer needs to prove anything. “Feed the hunger and you see the kindness that was there the whole time.”

Going deeper: Rabbi Landau's teaching, level by level

Surface claim

Some people need to win every argument and push others down.

Fear, vulnerability, or tension

They take their whole self-esteem from making other people smaller.

Underlying need or longing

They are starving to feel valued and important.

Deepest human truth

The cruelty is hunger, not character. When the hunger is fed, the kindness that was always there shows.

More questions from this teaching

• Why do some people become nicer after they become successful?