Why do some people become nicer after they become successful?

Rabbi Landau explains that it isn’t always an act or good PR. Before they made it, some people felt the only way up was to push someone else down. They had to win every argument “because they took their whole self-esteem from making other people smaller.” Deep down, they were starving for status.

“But they were not really bad people,” he says. The moment they actually get what they were missing, they relax. They don’t need to fight anymore or prove anything; they are finally comfortable with themselves. All they ever wanted was to feel valued and important.

Our sages say, “Adam nikar b’kiso,” a person is recognized through his money. Money revealed him. Now that he has what he was starving for, you finally see the real, humbler picture.

“The cruelty was never their character, it was their hunger,” Rabbi Landau teaches. “Feed the hunger and you see the kindness that was there the whole time.”

Going deeper: Rabbi Landau's teaching, level by level

Surface claim

Some people become kinder after success, and it is not necessarily an act.

Fear, vulnerability, or tension

Before success, they felt they had to push others down and win every argument to feel worth something.

Underlying need or longing

All they wanted was to feel valued and important.

Deepest human truth

“Adam nikar b’kiso”: money reveals a person. In A Soul at Peace, Rabbi Landau writes that money does not create something new inside a person; it removes what was holding him back. For these people, what it uncovered was kindness.

More questions from this teaching

• Why do some people always need to win every argument?