Can a therapist, mentor, or rabbi really fix me?

Rabbi Landau answers that “no therapist has ever fixed anyone, and a good therapist knows it.” People walk in expecting to be repaired like a car, but it doesn't work like that.

A good mentor, therapist, or rabbi does not make you someone else. “He ignites one spark inside you, so your own fire can begin to light up.” Every person has his own soul, his own God-given fire, and his own inner answers. The answer was never inside the therapist, the mentor, or the rabbi; it is always inside you. It may be very deep, and you may not be able to find it or light it yourself, “but it's all there.”

King Solomon says, “Mayim amukim eitzah b'lev ish, v'ish tevunah yidlenah,” the counsel in a person's heart is like deep water, and a person of understanding draws it out. Deep down, a person already knows what he needs to do, but it is covered, hidden under fear, confusion, shame, and noise.

So the job of wisdom is not to put something into you. It is to draw out what was already there. The greatest teachers don't create your fire; they help you find it.

Going deeper: Rabbi Landau's teaching, level by level

Surface claim

No therapist, mentor, or rabbi fixes anyone. A person is not a car to be repaired.

Fear, vulnerability, or tension

A person walks in feeling broken, hoping someone else will put the answer into him.

What may be behind it

In A Soul at Peace, Rabbi Landau writes that when a person thinks the mentor's job is to fix him, every talk makes him more dependent, not stronger, and the emptiness walks out of the room with him.

Deepest human truth

The counsel in a person's heart is like deep water. Every person has his own God-given fire and his own answers; a good guide only helps draw them out.

More questions from this teaching

• What keeps me from finding the answers already inside me?