How do people who truly love you react when you set a boundary?
By Rabbi Shalom Landau.
Rabbi Landau teaches that “the ones who actually love you do the opposite” of the takers. “You draw a line and they say good. About time.”
“They don't grieve the old you. They're proud of the new one.” And it is not a one-time reaction: “they stayed through the next 10 boundaries too.”
That reaction is how you can tell them apart. In A Soul at Peace, he writes that a boundary is a test of whether a love depends on something. The one whose love does not depend on anything is happy when you set a limit, because he loves you, not what you give him.
Related concepts: Relationships · Growth
In A Soul at Peace: The Boundary That Tells One Love from Another
Going deeper: Rabbi Landau's teaching, level by level
Surface claim
People who love you are glad when you set a boundary.
Underlying need or longing
To be loved for who you are, not for what you let others take.
Deepest human truth
Love that does not depend on anything is proud of your growth.
More questions from this teaching
More answers: Boundaries, Healing, and Emotional Resilience · All questions · Questions about Rabbi Landau and Rivnitz