Should I tell my wife “Hashem will help” when she asks me for money?

Rabbi Landau answers no. “If your wife asks you for money, never tell her Hashem is going to help. She doesn’t want to hear that.” Bitachon, he teaches, is the husband’s job: you have to trust in Hashem, and your wife and children have their security in you.

The Gemara expresses this as, “They depend on him, and he depends on the One above.” He also cites the teaching that a man who honors his wife becomes rich, and asks why that should be.

His answer: when your wife asks, she is already picturing that you will give it to her; she is trusting it into reality. You, meanwhile, start thinking logically: how can I cover it? But when you honor your wife more than you think you can, “you’re going into her manifestation.” That trust, he teaches, is what opens the gates of bracha, and when you step into her emunah, that is when Hashem steps in for you.

Going deeper: Rabbi Landau's teaching, level by level

Surface claim

A husband should not answer his wife’s request for money with “Hashem will help.”

Fear, vulnerability, or tension

The husband thinks logically and worries about how he will cover the expense, so he hands the question back to Heaven.

Underlying need or longing

What is a wife looking for when she asks?

Her security is in her husband. She is trusting that he will make it happen.

Deepest human truth

There are two kinds of trust in a home. In A Soul at Peace, Rabbi Landau writes that the husband’s trust goes to Hashem, while his wife and children trust in him as Hashem’s emissary, and an emissary cannot excuse himself by saying the one who sent him will take care of it.

More questions from this teaching

• Why does honoring your wife bring wealth?