Marriage, Love, and Sacred Partnership
Rabbi Landau's answers on choosing a spouse, building a home, listening, forgiving and keeping love alive.
Am I still the provider if my wife earns more money than I do?
Many husbands quietly wonder what their role is when their wife brings home the bigger paycheck. Rabbi Landau finds the answer in the song sung every Friday night.
Can we rewrite the roles of husband and wife to fix a marriage?
Every generation brings new theories about how husbands and wives should be. Rabbi Landau asks a basic question: who wrote the manual in the first place?
Does choosing a spouse mean settling or giving up?
Many people fear that saying yes means accepting less. Rabbi Landau explains why choosing is not giving up but the way a person finally receives.
Does getting to know someone over many dates make for a stronger marriage?
People research a potential spouse more than ever, yet homes seem less stable. Rabbi Landau explains why love is not a matter of collecting information.
Does work-life balance really exist?
If home feels like a second full-time job, both jobs suffer. Rabbi Landau explains the Torah’s first-year instruction and what a well-built marriage gives back.
How can a husband expect to be treated like a king at home?
Counting yogurts on the grocery list is not how a king behaves. Rabbi Landau on what has to come before a husband is honored at home.
How can a husband stop most of the fights in his marriage?
She doesn't need a perfect husband. Rabbi Landau explains what she does need, and how “and he will rule over you” really describes an anchor.
How can a wife help her husband change?
Pressure and criticism rarely change anyone. Rabbi Landau explains the one thing that does, and why people rise or shrink to meet it.
How do I know if we are a good match for marriage?
Many people hunt for compatibility and worry over every difference. Rabbi Landau explains why marriage is about completion, and what your two hands teach about it.
How do I support my wife when she is upset without falling apart with her?
Many husbands think empathy means sinking into their wife’s distress with her. Rabbi Landau describes a stronger kind of empathy, one that can actually help.
How is real intimacy built in a marriage?
Vacations and quiet evenings don’t build closeness on their own. Rabbi Landau points to the honest, risky moment where trust is really formed.
How should a husband show his wife he appreciates her?
A thank-you for the laundry can still miss the person. Rabbi Landau explains what a wife really wants to be appreciated for, with words a husband can actually use.
How should parents handle it when they disagree about disciplining a child?
One parent wants a consequence, the other wants a conversation. Rabbi Landau explains why the answer is not choosing whose view wins.
Is avoiding conflict good for a marriage?
A home with no arguments can still be a home with no closeness. Rabbi Landau explains why silence, not conflict, is the real danger.
Is it my fault that my husband is struggling with addiction?
When a husband falls into addiction, many wives quietly blame themselves. Rabbi Landau explains whose struggle it really is, and where a wife’s true power lies.
Is it worth winning an argument with my wife?
The perfect comeback can win the moment and cost the relationship. Rabbi Landau on the hidden price of being right at home.
Is love something you find or something you build?
The couples who last did not start out loving more. Rabbi Landau explains what they did differently, and what “Ani l’dodi v’dodi li” says about it.
Should I look for a spouse who thinks exactly like me, and what do we do when we disagree?
If your spouse only ever echoes your opinions, who are you really loving? Rabbi Landau explains why differences are the material a marriage is built from.
Should I tell my wife “Hashem will help” when she asks me for money?
Answering a wife’s request with “Hashem will help” can sound like faith. Rabbi Landau explains why, at home, that is the husband’s line to live, not to say.
What does it mean that a worthy wife does her husband’s will?
A famous teaching of the sages can sound like a call for a wife to simply give in. Rabbi Landau explains which “will” it is really talking about.
What does it really mean when I tell my spouse they are controlling me?
Two people can fight over the steering wheel while both say they only want freedom. Rabbi Landau asks what the complaint about control is really saying.
What does the Torah mean when it tells Avraham to “listen to her voice”?
The Torah tells Avraham to listen to Sarah’s voice. Rabbi Landau explains the difference between hearing a wife’s words and hearing her voice.
What does the Hebrew word for love, ahava, teach about love?
The Hebrew word for love hides a surprising root. Rabbi Landau explains what it reveals about who we come to love.
What is my wife’s sharp or cold reaction really telling me?
When a small thing sets off a big reaction, most husbands argue with it. Rabbi Landau suggests looking for what the reaction is pointing to.
What should a husband give his wife when money is tight?
Not every husband can provide great wealth, but every husband can provide something worth more. Rabbi Landau on what a wife needs most when money is short.
When my wife keeps bringing up a small task, what is she really asking?
It looks like nagging about the trash. Rabbi Landau explains the real question a wife is asking.
Why did marriages in earlier generations last after only a few meetings?
Earlier generations met briefly and built homes that lasted a lifetime. Rabbi Landau explains what they built on that endless research can’t replace.
Why did the passion fade after we got married?
The excitement of the early days often fades once ordinary life begins. Rabbi Landau says the reason may be that the marriage was never really to the person at all.
Why do small broken promises hurt a marriage so much?
The cabinet got fixed, just three days late. Rabbi Landau explains why that matters far more to a wife than it seems to a husband.
Why does asking for respect make people respect you less?
Asking someone directly for respect almost never brings it. Rabbi Landau explains the law of kavod and why needing honor drives it away.
Why does honoring your wife bring wealth?
Our sages link honoring one’s wife with becoming wealthy. Rabbi Landau explains the mechanism behind the promise.
Why does it mean so much more when someone who is free to leave chooses to stay?
A man can provide everything and still not be able to buy the one thing that matters. Rabbi Landau explains what real power in a relationship is.
Why does love die out when you stop giving?
Most people think they give to the ones they love. Rabbi Landau, drawing on the Hebrew word ahava, teaches that it works the other way around.
Why does my spouse keep bringing up something I already apologized for?
An apology can be sincere and correct and still not land. Rabbi Landau explains why a wound keeps resurfacing and what actually lets it heal.
Why does my wife react so strongly when she feels insecure in our marriage?
A husband may be tempted to label his wife’s reactions as irrational. Rabbi Landau points to the holy yearning underneath them and what it is really asking for.
Why does needing respect make people respect you less?
Chasing honor seems like the way to get it. Rabbi Landau explains the law of kavod that works the other way around.
Why does searching for the perfect spouse keep me from ever choosing one?
Every new name brings hope and every date feels like progress. Rabbi Landau explains how endless searching can quietly become a way of staying alone.
Why does the Torah give a newly married man a full year for his home?
The Torah frees a new husband for a whole year. Rabbi Landau explains what that year is meant to build, and what it gives back afterward.