Why did marriages in earlier generations last after only a few meetings?
By Rabbi Shalom Landau.
Rabbi Landau explains that in the old days, a couple met once or twice: “She served a tea, he nodded, done. And they built empires of love that lasted 70 years.” Today people go on twenty dates and run background checks, and still the marriages struggle.
The difference, he explains, is not how much they knew. It is what they built on. Modern dating teaches people to think “love is information,” so “the moment she doesn’t match your notes, you panic, you doubt, you run.” But “marriage isn’t built on knowledge, it’s built on surrender.”
He gives the example of Avraham Avinu, who did not investigate Rivka. He said, “Hashem is going to send her. That’s faith, that’s marriage.”
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Going deeper: Rabbi Landau's teaching, level by level
Surface claim
Short meetings led to lasting marriages because they were built on surrender rather than information.
Fear, vulnerability, or tension
When love is treated as information, every mismatch with your notes brings panic and doubt.
Deepest human truth
Marriage is built on faith, like Avraham Avinu trusting that Hashem would send the right one.
More questions from this teaching
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