What does it mean that a worthy wife does her husband’s will?

Rabbi Landau explains that the saying of our sages, “Who is a worthy wife? The one who does her husband’s will,” does not mean following whatever state he is in. It means “not the will of his weakness, the will of his soul.”

This matters most when a husband is struggling, for example with an addiction. Doing his will does not mean jumping into his storm or taking on his shame. A wife, he says, “is not a mother, not a therapist, not a savior.”

Instead, her role is “to hold the house steady.” By standing firm, she stays loyal to who he really is, and “she pulls out his real desire, the man he truly wants to be.”

Going deeper: Rabbi Landau's teaching, level by level

Surface claim

A worthy wife does her husband’s will, meaning the will of his soul, not the will of his weakness.

Fear, vulnerability, or tension

It can seem that doing his will means going along with him wherever he falls. Rabbi Landau warns that if she takes on his shame, both drown.

What may be behind it

Why does a person have two different wills?

In A Soul at Peace, Rabbi Landau writes, based on the Tanya, that every Jew has a divine soul and an animal soul, and both want opposite things. The will of his weakness is the animal soul; the will of his soul is the man he truly wants to be.

Deepest human truth

When she stands steady, she reflects who he can become rather than his chaos. That is her power.

More questions from this teaching

• Is it my fault that my husband is struggling with addiction?